There is a story behind the name. (Go figure, huh?) It has so much to do with "Amazing Grace," the hymn that has stood the test of time (and various arrangements) and continues to impact the lives of people today. Two years ago, I sang a solo for this piece while singing with Oasis. While I felt honored to have received a solo, I struggled with connecting to the piece. My intellect told me that it was true. I really was (am) a wretch, I really am saved by grace, etc, etc. I continually struggled to believe that it was true. See, I'd never been the raucous sinner, the one with the life of philandering and debauchery. At least not where people could see. However, I lived with my hidden demons. The ones that reminded me daily that while I looked as though I had been saved, the reality was that I was still a wretch. They told me that I really wasn't good enough for God. Why should He pay attention to me, when I was continually rejecting Him through my disbelief and miserable failings?
I stuck to believing what my mind was telling me, but it wasn't until a year or so later when I was again singing "Amazing Grace" that I realized that Grace is all about the disbelief, the fears, the fallenness of all mankind and, in my life, for me! It dawned on me that God was doing good things through me, fallen and messed up as I was. And then I realized, "This is what Grace is all about!" It takes someone who does not believe in herself, and uses her to impact the lives of others. It lifts her up from the mud puddle she has been in for a very long time, wipes the tears from her eyes, and shows her how God perceives her right there, in the middle of it all!
This revelation was not earth-shattering. However, it has changed the way I view myself. I am starting, (baby steps, mind you) to believe that God loves me all the time. That he looks at me when I fall, and all He cares about is that I reach out to Him. That He will pick me up each and every time! And beyond all of that, He takes delight in me...
This blog is not meant to be a shrine of any sort to my life. I am not a proponent of sharing my most intimate thoughts with the entire world, so it will be vague at times. However, I want it to be a place where the glory of God can be displayed. I want to chronicle the works of grace He is doing in my life to remind myself of how far I have come, and possibly to give hope to some other that He can do the same for them!
In closing, from the pen of George Herbert:
Love
Love bade me welcome; yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd any thing.
'A guest', I answere'd, 'worthy to be here.'
Love said, 'You shall be he.'
'I the unkind, ungrateful? Ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee.'
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
'Who made the eyes but I?'
'Truth Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.'
'And know you not', says Love, 'who bore the blame?'
'My dear, then I will serve.'
'You must sit down', says Love, 'and taste my meat.'
So I did sit and eat.
Love bade me welcome; yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd any thing.
'A guest', I answere'd, 'worthy to be here.'
Love said, 'You shall be he.'
'I the unkind, ungrateful? Ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee.'
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
'Who made the eyes but I?'
'Truth Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.'
'And know you not', says Love, 'who bore the blame?'
'My dear, then I will serve.'
'You must sit down', says Love, 'and taste my meat.'
So I did sit and eat.
