Moment of God's grace today...
I was reminded of how little good my tendency to control everything really is. In my voice lesson today with Mr. Scarlata, he mentioned that I seem to be trying to control the sound. When I expressed my frustration with the thought he said, "Just let it go, woman! You have to let go and let God."
How appropriate. I try so hard to control my life and make sure everything goes the way I want. Once in a while, maybe God says, "Let it go, Woman!"
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
God...good things...bad things...What the ????
The other day was quite an emotional one for me. I was living in the after-effects of very little sleep, and everything seemed big and overwhelming. The tears were falling freely as I told a trusted friend about how huge everything appeared. I poured out the feelings of frustration at God because of the negative emotions I was feeling. Good friend that she was, she pushed me. She asked me, "Is God doing anything good in your life right now?"
The tears fell faster, but I only gave a semi-committal answer of, "Maybe..."
"Has He done good things into your life up until now?" She kept pushing.
And the tears fell faster. Any person less comfortable with tears would have escaped the room long ago! But she only kept pushing and I answered "Yes."
The next question was one I could not answer well at the moment. "Why did that make you more emotional?" I was caught off guard. Yes, why did that particular question stir even deeper emotions within me? Why did it hurt more to realize that God has done good things for me in the past? Shouldn't it have been a calming effect? (See now, everything will be okay, etc...)
All of this has been running through my head. I remember a period of life where I in a certain level of naivety said, "Bring on the pain." Seriously, WHAT was I thinking? If I know anything about God, it is that He does love to take us seriously. And it seems that prayers for patience, pain, desperation, etc. are ALWAYS answered! However, I think there is a connection here. Back when I was crazy enough to ask for pain, I was also pretty crazy about my relationship with God. There were great things going on as well as painful things. I think this is what triggered the tears.
We so badly want good things from God. We want to believe His love. We want Him to allow all of our dreams to come true. We want to live giddy in love with Him. And yet we run from what it takes to develop this intimate relationship with Him. I run from it, because I am afraid of what it will bring. I want a fairy tale ending without the tale itself. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Fiona (from Shrek)-all of the above faced some pretty adverse circumstances before they had the happy ending. Who would have thought that a fairy tale really could teach something good? :)
So in the middle of everything, I am challenging myself to remember the good things. Regardless of whether or not we approve the bad things, they are coming! You and I have to wrestle through what that says about God. Is He really good? Or is He sort of cruel to create us to want such good things, knowing all the while we will have to deal with sub-par things?
I believe from the depths of my heart that He is good. Right now, quite honestly, it doesn't feel all that true. But I do know it is. Because of this, know matter how crazy life gets, we have to hang on to what we know. We have to remember the good things. We have to believe what He has said to us. We have to see His interactions with the details of our lives and claim the promise that He really has our best in mind! And we need to remember how He has come through for us in the past, and believe that He will again. It may not look exactly the way we have pictured it, but it will be GOOD. Painful? Maybe. But definitely good!
The tears fell faster, but I only gave a semi-committal answer of, "Maybe..."
"Has He done good things into your life up until now?" She kept pushing.
And the tears fell faster. Any person less comfortable with tears would have escaped the room long ago! But she only kept pushing and I answered "Yes."
The next question was one I could not answer well at the moment. "Why did that make you more emotional?" I was caught off guard. Yes, why did that particular question stir even deeper emotions within me? Why did it hurt more to realize that God has done good things for me in the past? Shouldn't it have been a calming effect? (See now, everything will be okay, etc...)
All of this has been running through my head. I remember a period of life where I in a certain level of naivety said, "Bring on the pain." Seriously, WHAT was I thinking? If I know anything about God, it is that He does love to take us seriously. And it seems that prayers for patience, pain, desperation, etc. are ALWAYS answered! However, I think there is a connection here. Back when I was crazy enough to ask for pain, I was also pretty crazy about my relationship with God. There were great things going on as well as painful things. I think this is what triggered the tears.
We so badly want good things from God. We want to believe His love. We want Him to allow all of our dreams to come true. We want to live giddy in love with Him. And yet we run from what it takes to develop this intimate relationship with Him. I run from it, because I am afraid of what it will bring. I want a fairy tale ending without the tale itself. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Fiona (from Shrek)-all of the above faced some pretty adverse circumstances before they had the happy ending. Who would have thought that a fairy tale really could teach something good? :)
So in the middle of everything, I am challenging myself to remember the good things. Regardless of whether or not we approve the bad things, they are coming! You and I have to wrestle through what that says about God. Is He really good? Or is He sort of cruel to create us to want such good things, knowing all the while we will have to deal with sub-par things?
I believe from the depths of my heart that He is good. Right now, quite honestly, it doesn't feel all that true. But I do know it is. Because of this, know matter how crazy life gets, we have to hang on to what we know. We have to remember the good things. We have to believe what He has said to us. We have to see His interactions with the details of our lives and claim the promise that He really has our best in mind! And we need to remember how He has come through for us in the past, and believe that He will again. It may not look exactly the way we have pictured it, but it will be GOOD. Painful? Maybe. But definitely good!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)