My own little parable...

I’m Getting Closer
by Rosemary Eberly

Little boy George bent over slowly to pick up another arrow from the ground. He sighed as he straightened up and placed the arrow against his bow for another shot. “Maybe this time,” he thought. “Maybe in some alternate universe, I will get lucky and hit the bulls-eye!”

He took aim again, carefully lining up the shot. He drew back the bow. A little flame of hope stirred within his heart. Maybe this was his lucky shot. Maybe he would get it this time. He held it just a second longer before he released and let the arrow soar through the air, only to see it plummet to the ground a foot in front of the target.

He stood, shoulders stooped, staring at the arrow pointed into the ground, tuft of feathers in the air as if to say, “Ha-ha! You’re so stupid! You thought you could really hit the bulls-eye? You can’t even hit the target!”

Frustrated to the very bottom of his toes, he dropped the bow and gave it a kick. “You stupid thing!” He yelled. “You are no good. I am done with this. I can’t be an archery hunter—It’s just too hard!”

Just then big man Jake stepped forward from where he had been watching the incident unfold. As little George looked up, his face turned a little red and his eyes squinted and his nose scrunched up. “I’m not going to cry,” he thought. “Crying is for babies!” But when big man Jake came up, squatted down in front of him, and wrapped him in a hug…he just couldn’t stop them anymore.

“I’m trying and trying,” he sobbed. “I shot at this target all day now, and not even one arrow hit it! It’s a stupid bow, and a stupid target, and I don’t want to shoot anymore!”

Big man Jake patted him gently on the back as the sobs turned to hiccups, the hiccups turned to sniffles, and then the sniffles slowly faded away. He held little George at arm’s length. “I want to show you something,” he said. He walked over and picked up an arrow stuck in the ground. “This is the arrow you shot first,” he said. “See how far it is from the target? Then there is this arrow.” He picked up another arrow a little closer to the target. “And this one, and this one, and this one.” He walked closer and closer to the target as he picked up the arrows that had landed in the ground. “With every shot you came closer to the target—and closer to the bulls-eye. Do you really want to give up now, when you are really starting to get better?”

Little boy George shook his head uncertainly. “But it is taking so long,” he said. “What if I am never able to hit the bulls-eye? I want to hit it now! I want to be a good shot!”

“Ah…” said big man Jake. “But this takes time. Every time, you are getting closer to the bulls-eye. The times you miss are just as important as the times you hit because they show how much better you are becoming. It might take ten more tries, or it might take a hundred more tries; but each time you take another shot, you are one shot closer to hitting the bulls-eye.” He picked up the bow and handed it to little boy George.

Little boy George studied the bow for a little. Then he reached out, took an arrow from big man Jake, and placed it against the string. He stood tall as he carefully drew back the string. He took a deep breath, and let it release. The arrow soared through the air and landed a little closer to the target. “Look,” he shouted, as he ran to the arrow. “I’m getting closer!”

Big man Jake smiled and leaned against the tree.

Of Our Humanity and Inhumanity

While searching for poetry for the upcoming Spring program at SMS, I came upon some thought provoking pieces. I don't know the history behind them, but I thought I would share two that really caught my interest. Enjoy!

MAN'S INHUMANITY TO MAN

Many and sharp the numerous ills

Inwoven with our frame;

More pointed still, we make ourselves

Regret, remorse and shame;

And man, show heaven-erected face

The smiles of love adorn,

Man's inhumanity to man,

Makes countless thousands mourn.

Robert Burns

This next one is a woman I identify with. I am assuming that at some level we can all identify with her. The crazy part is that we often think it actually works to hide...even from God's love.

THE WOMAN I AM

The woman I am

Hides deep in me

Beneath the woman

I seem to be.

She hides away

From the stranger's eye--

She is not known

To the passers-by.

She goes her way,

The woman I seem,

But the woman I am

Withdraws to dream!

The woman I seem

Goes carelessly--

When love goes by

Does not seem to see.

But the woman I am

Knows sudden fear...

And hides more deeply

When love draws near!

For love might look closely

Perhaps...and see

Her beneath the woman

I seem to be!

Glen Allen

This poem reminded me of one of my favorites. I did an analysis of this poem in World Lit class. Powerful stuff. And way too true.

WE WEAR THE MASK

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,

It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,

In counting all our tears and sighs?

Nay, let them only see us, while

We wear the mask.

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries

To thee from tortured souls arise.

We sing, but oh the clay is vile

Beneath our feet, and long the mile;

But let the world dream otherwise,

We wear the mask!

Favorite Verses from Isaiah 54

The words of a loving Father to a desolate child...

v.4 "Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood."

v.7,8 "For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back. In a surge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you," says the Lord your Redeemer.

v. 9,10 "To me this is like the days of Noah, when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth. So now I have sworn not to be angry with you, never to rebuke you again. Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Preservation....

Tonight on the way home from school I was texting...I know, I shouldn't have been. I looked up and saw a deer right in my path. Hit the brakes, swerved to the right. As I did so the music playing caught my attention, "The Lord shall preserve you from evil..." Coincidence? I'd like to think not!

Aftermath and Shame

The aftermath of the FB arts colloquy has been quite brutal in the processing department. (For all you artists out there who did not take it in, you really did miss out!) I guess colloquies are not about providing the much desired answers, but rather, serve as a means of keeping our mental and spiritual faculties on alert. I came away feeling that I have more questions than ever before. There were many good things proposed. Many thought-provoking questions asked. I left challenged and stirred to continue wrestling with the questions.

More specifically, I was challenged by the thought that too often we live out of shame about who we are. Every human being faces this (if you haven't, feel free to challenge me) in some area or another. It may be shame about who we are or what we have done. But for this time, I want to think about the shame that can surround the Anabaptist.

I remember vividly the feeling of walking through town and being afraid to meet the curious eyes of people walking by me. I perceived that they viewed me as strange, peculiar, and possibly even a little stupid for buying into such a strange mentality. What was worse--I was thinking those same things about myself. I couldn't imagine what I could possibly have that I could offer to that person. I felt peculiar. And I was ashamed of it.

The obvious fact of the matter was, I didn't have to look the way I did. There was nothing to keep me from moving on and leaving my church and community. It was a choice I was making. Even after I felt sure of the "call" to remain a Mennonite, I still balked at the fact that I felt so different. Sometimes I became angry because I felt like an odd-ball. Then a very wise person said to me, "You are choosing to do this." No one, not even God, is forcing you to be a Mennonite! Suddenly I had to take responsibility for my own choices, and I realized that since I am called here, I need to be happy being here! This is not something I have to do. I could just as easily be a Christian in a different church. God could use me in other places. This is a gift God has given me. I was raised in a unique situation for a special purpose, even though I do not always understand the purpose! It is also a gift I can give back to Him. He has asked so little of me. All I need to do is follow Him. If that means me looking a little different, is it really the end of the world?

All good stuff! Then I decided to go to college. And a panic attack erupted! What were people going to think? Would these preppy little kids be okay with who I am? Am I okay with who I am?

Enter: another wise person. He said simply, "Don't be ashamed of who you are." Those words have carried with me in the last six months like no others. There is such profundity and truth in realizing that we are a part of who we are created to be, and believing that we have something to offer those around us. I hope that I continue to grow in this. There are still moments where I feel afraid of what people think. I have the same vanity issues as everyone else.

I wish for everyone that we could really come to know who it is that we are created to be. Don't misunderstand this to mean who we want to be. Too often we want to be some perfect person. In reality we are fallen human beings. We will NEVER be perfect. When we are who we have been created to be, we get to be alive in the middle of our falleness. We get to be part of the bigger picture. We get to help build the kingdom of God. Why spend time wanting to help build in some other person's shoes? Who has God made you to be? Does He have a calling on your life right now? Go for it! Embrace it! Know that out of it, you have something to offer the broader community.

Let it go, woman!

Moment of God's grace today...

I was reminded of how little good my tendency to control everything really is. In my voice lesson today with Mr. Scarlata, he mentioned that I seem to be trying to control the sound. When I expressed my frustration with the thought he said, "Just let it go, woman! You have to let go and let God."

How appropriate. I try so hard to control my life and make sure everything goes the way I want. Once in a while, maybe God says, "Let it go, Woman!"

God...good things...bad things...What the ????

The other day was quite an emotional one for me. I was living in the after-effects of very little sleep, and everything seemed big and overwhelming. The tears were falling freely as I told a trusted friend about how huge everything appeared. I poured out the feelings of frustration at God because of the negative emotions I was feeling. Good friend that she was, she pushed me. She asked me, "Is God doing anything good in your life right now?"

The tears fell faster, but I only gave a semi-committal answer of, "Maybe..."

"Has He done good things into your life up until now?" She kept pushing.

And the tears fell faster. Any person less comfortable with tears would have escaped the room long ago! But she only kept pushing and I answered "Yes."

The next question was one I could not answer well at the moment. "Why did that make you more emotional?" I was caught off guard. Yes, why did that particular question stir even deeper emotions within me? Why did it hurt more to realize that God has done good things for me in the past? Shouldn't it have been a calming effect? (See now, everything will be okay, etc...)

All of this has been running through my head. I remember a period of life where I in a certain level of naivety said, "Bring on the pain." Seriously, WHAT was I thinking? If I know anything about God, it is that He does love to take us seriously. And it seems that prayers for patience, pain, desperation, etc. are ALWAYS answered! However, I think there is a connection here. Back when I was crazy enough to ask for pain, I was also pretty crazy about my relationship with God. There were great things going on as well as painful things. I think this is what triggered the tears.

We so badly want good things from God. We want to believe His love. We want Him to allow all of our dreams to come true. We want to live giddy in love with Him. And yet we run from what it takes to develop this intimate relationship with Him. I run from it, because I am afraid of what it will bring. I want a fairy tale ending without the tale itself. Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Fiona (from Shrek)-all of the above faced some pretty adverse circumstances before they had the happy ending. Who would have thought that a fairy tale really could teach something good? :)

So in the middle of everything, I am challenging myself to remember the good things. Regardless of whether or not we approve the bad things, they are coming! You and I have to wrestle through what that says about God. Is He really good? Or is He sort of cruel to create us to want such good things, knowing all the while we will have to deal with sub-par things?

I believe from the depths of my heart that He is good. Right now, quite honestly, it doesn't feel all that true. But I do know it is. Because of this, know matter how crazy life gets, we have to hang on to what we know. We have to remember the good things. We have to believe what He has said to us. We have to see His interactions with the details of our lives and claim the promise that He really has our best in mind! And we need to remember how He has come through for us in the past, and believe that He will again. It may not look exactly the way we have pictured it, but it will be GOOD. Painful? Maybe. But definitely good!